(OUTDATED) Sonic of the Old West
by SonicLucasFan1138
Summary: Sonic the Hedgehog makes a living by tracking down wanted criminals and turning them in, dead or alive. After all, he's the Fastest Gun Alive! THIS STORY IS OUTDATED. THE TRUE EVENTS OCCUR IN THE REMASTERED AND REVISED VERSION.
1. Speedball Hedgehedge

**Cover art for this story can be found on my profile page.**

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Chapter 1: Sonic "Speedball" Hedgehedge

A warm day in Toot Toot Town, everything seemed fine. "Everything seemed fine" the barkeeper thought to himself as he served the patrons with their beverages and food. The miners continued their operations, and the hotel seems to be packed according to the innkeeper. Toot Toot Town was named after the courageous Toot Toot warriors who fought here against the vengeful Chaos, landlord of the Water Tribe. The Toot Toot Warriors were skilled in using bows and spears to decimate their enemies, in addition to setting up traps. They even used tactics that seemed unconventional to the more civilised human, such as flinging their feces in order to disorient the enemy. "They utilised this tactic to bring down Chaos, but the evil landlord just slapped them away" said the old coffin maker. "Wow, that landlord sure is evil!" said the eight year old Sonic. "Speak of the evil, and he shall appear!" mumbled the coffin maker under his makeshift mask.

The coffin maker spotted the "El Gato" Western European gang of outlaws. Led by the infamous "El Gato," whose of Italian descent, this gang was feared throughout the Old West due to their weaponry. They have access to gatling guns, cannons, lever action rifles, and revolvers. One of the members yelled at the town to give up their valuables or risk death by the hand of El Gato himself.

Some of the babies soiled themselves when they heard the warning of the El Gato gang. The townsfolk quickly hid into their respective properties as the El Gato gang were getting closer. The town was completely silent.

"Yall about to be dead when El Gato gets here" said a brawny anthropomorphic feline, who had purple and white fur. The cat was usually armed with a portable gatling gun he named "Froggy," which he left in a stagecoach drawn by two ponies. There were three stagecoaches in total, each led by two ponies. The ponies were odd looking; their appearance resembled something out of a cartoon made for little girls, middle aged creeps, and adolescent creeps. Two deputies decided to step up to the brutish gang. "I'm sick of you darn brownies, get the FRICK out of my face!" said deputy Clebioid. "Or I'll blow your head off with a darn shotgun" said deputy Hairose to the criminals in slow motion. As courageous as this may seem, the deputies who looked like criminals themselves were shot in the torso by the big man himself, El Gato. An orange cat with black markings walked out of the building across from the now deceased deputies. He had droopy eyes and a wide grin, a face that would put the fear of Eggmen into anyone. "I have come here to release one Jon Arbuckle from the clutches of the corrupt sheriff, along with the riches of this putrid town!" said the charismatic vagabond. "Who the frick do you think you are?" shouted the sheriff, holding a sawed-off super shotgun.

Sounding like Vitas from Opera #2 (the fictional version, Okay?), he said "I'm the conqueror of Italian cuisine. The pudgy yet good looking leader of the El Gato gang. I am Garfield."

"Wow, your opera skills are amazing master!" said the violet pony.  
"Could use some work..." claimed the rainbow-haired blue pony.  
"Absolutely stunning, Darling!" replied the white pony.  
"Wow that was so great!" yelled the pink pony.  
"Darn partner, that was beautiful!" states the orange-yellow pony.  
"It's good..." mumbled the bright yellow pony.

"Shut the frick up" shouted the sheriff, who circle strafed around the ponies and shot them one by one with his super shotgun. He is very skilled at reloading it, too. Could reload it in a second.

"Enough is enough!" exclaimed Garfield. "I've had it with these mothratrucking FPS protagonists in this mothratrucking town!"

Garfield shot the old-school FPS protagonist; the hero we don't deserve, but the hero we need.

"Kill all of these swine!" -Garfield

Bubsy the Bobcat torched the barn where the three little pigs lived with his flamethrower, a weapon to surpass pop culture references. "Heehaw, now their pigs-in-a-blanket now" Big the Gat grabbed his gatling gun "Froggy" and mowed down the townsfolk and the ginger-bread men. El Gato set his sights on Sonic. "You're gonna pay for what you've done in the future, you little, you little...!" The old coffin maker threw Sonic like a pitcher throwing a baseball and getting a home run. "Bitch!" screamed Garfield as he shot the coffin maker until he died. "Take this, you blockhead!"

Sonic ran while shedding more tears than the Trail of Tears. Little did he know that his actions in the future turned Garfield into a cuckold. Also, little did he know that there were other survivors of the massacre around his age.


	2. Doctor Robotnik and Fox Eyes

Chapter 2: Doctor Robotnik and Fox Eyes

Years later, Sonic had made a living as a bounter hunter. He either captured or killed multiple criminals, mostly Albino Snowmen. Albino Snowmen are snow-dwelling cavemen made of snow, created by Minister Big Bain the Big Brain. Minister Big Bain the Big Brain is a huge waffle who created many of the enemies that We Will encountered. We Will is the philosopher who is best known for the quote "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering leads to masochistic pleasure."

Sonic's appearance consist of a brown poncho, a brown bandana, a yellow chocolate-coated banana that served as his boomerang, and a White cattleman hat. Sonic walked into the saloon, and blurted out the infamous 14 words.

"We must secure the existence of our people, and a future for cattleman hats."

This caused an uproar from the people who didn't wear cattleman hats. A bar fight erupted and Sonic tried to find the wanted fugitive through the high definition violence. "Gotcha, Lyfe" he exclaimed as he found Lyfe S'tuff, a French Song Thrush bandit. Sonic pulled out his Horse Navy revolver and shot the bastard. This caused everyone in the bar to run out like sissies (something I would probably do). "Jesus Christ, Sonic!" yelled J.C. the cameraman and tech support who records from a Lakitu's cloud. "Don't you have principles?"

"I don't have principles, I have tactics." replied Sonic, cool as a cucumber on the outside, but angry and salty as salted fish on the inside. He brought the body of Lyfe S'tuff to the sheriff and received 2,000 pesos for it. Sonic kicked a chair as he left the sheriff's office, angry that he did not get the $2,000 U.S. dollars he was promised. Even if he asked about that, Sonic would be denied that money because the sheriff would ask for proof which the Hedgehog lacked. However, the sheriff stopped him, saying "I know you want 2,000 U.S. dollars instead, but a gang of critters like yourself gone and took the money from us."

Sonic acknowledged the sheriff by nodding his head. "Who are these 'critters' you're rambling about?" asked Sonic the Hedgehog. "Los San Pepinillos Hermanos; the Saint Pickle Brothers" the sheriff responded, taking the cigar away from his mouth. "I think the bounty posters for them are in this box. I'll go get it for you." The sheriff brought the box over to Sonic, containing posters of the criminals and the rewards for handling them. "Here we are. The criminals you were asking about are these three. El Cardenal, an Irish woodpecker who is the dynamite expert of the gang. Fur Trader, a half German and half Apache Indian polar bear. I'd be careful about going after him if I were you, he packs a nasty punch as the enforcer of the gang. Then we got this mouth breather: Jerboa. As his name implies, he is a Australian Jerboa and expert marksman who was part of the Eureka Rebellion." Sonic looked quizzed, asking "How the heck do you know about Australia?" The sheriff looked him directly in the eyes and said "You should talk to your tech support more."

As Sonic left the sheriff's office, the lawman called out for the hedgehog. "Hey Speedball, you will need this" he said with a customized Model 1866 lever action rifle. The rifle's metal parts were composed of strange brass that had a deep blue tint to it rather than a yellow one. "Doc Robotnik wanted to give this to you. He calls it the 'Blue Baller.'" Doctor Robotnik was an industrialist and scientist who created many inventions that are considered advanced, contrasting with most of the technology at the time. It is believed that "Robotnik" is not even his real name.

"I should start searching for the woodpecker, he seems like the easiest to fight" thought Sonic as he heads toward the mines, not knowing what to expect. Speedball walked into the mineshaft and stepped onto a pressure sensitive trapdoor, seemingly falling to his death from a certain point of view. "Stupid retard" whispered the only other person at the mine's entrance. "Fell right into my trap." The person began to laugh like the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz.

A mysterious stranger from another place began to enter Toot Toot Town. This person had a black cloak and balaclava to conceal their identity, like upstanding citizens robbing a convenience store. The individual appeared to be human from a distance, but up close the pointed ears were noticable even if this person did their best to hide the ears. The person had two things sticking from behind, with one citizen claiming they looked like two pieces of yellow furry feces (gross!). Riding on a horse, this person began to reach the sheriff's office to claim a bountry.

Walking inside, the person removed their Russo-produced balaclava which looks more like a bandana and blindfold combo. It is Tails, who goes by moniker "Fox Eyes" during his bounty hunting occupation. "Hello sheriff." said Tails in his ear-piercing high pitched voice. "My ears!" yelled the sheriff. "Fox Eyes, use your voice changer when you speak." Tails activated the voice changer.

"Right, sorry about that."

"What did you want, Fox Eyes."

"I'm here to claim the bounty on Minister Big Bain the Big Brain."

"4,000 you get until we receive actual bank notes of use in this town."

"Pesos? What happend to the money that I could actually use in the United States?"

"We were robbed by a gang from south of the border. Took our U.S. dollars and left us with Pesos to taunt us."

"Aw shucks, sorry to hear about that sheriff."

Tails left the sheriff's office and went to the bar, only to find out that the bar is closed because a bounty hunter killed their target. "This whole thing is Sonic's fault" said a resident. "Do you know where Sonic went?" asked Tails in his deep voice. "That ne'er do good bastard went to the mines to claim a bounty" replied the resident. "Okay, thank you for your cooperation" tails responded. Tails went off to the mines to look for sonic before he turns into Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Dinner for the hounds. Go forward Tails!

Sonic was in a sticky situation. A literal one, at that. One that could be written about in a Shakespearean tragedy (if mentioning Shakespeare is allowed on this Fanfiction website). "Sonic, prepareth yourself. F'r i shalt taketh thy wage, food, wat'r, and life" threatened the mysterious figure towards Sonic. "Nay! Thee shouldst not killeth me f'r mine own livings! Wouldst thee harmeth a bird feeding t's offspring? Is the bird not allowed to feedeth those folk? What is thy meaning of life?" This made the shadowy figure angrier.

"Life? Mine own meaning is yond an 'range gib shouldst not has't taken the liveth of the town i wast b'rn in. F'r i am the issue of a bird!"

"Then joineth me on mine own quest to stand ho the beast who is't committ'd such a thing-a-ling"

"Nay, hedgehog!"

The figure dropped down to reveal himself as El Cardenel, who revealed that he brought his posse of Mexicano Banditos.

"Now, Sonic. You shall die."

The adrenaline that was pumping through Sonic's body went straight to his dick. The hedgehog's erect manhood was long enough to function as a makeshift cutlass. He began to poke at the Banditos, who backed away from him to avoid being called homosexuals by the others. Sonic tried to reach for his gun (the one that shoots bullets), but he could not. His arm was so numb from landing on it and he felt light headed. The hedgehog known as Speedball collapesed onto the ground made of mud.

"Take him away boys!"

The Banditos hesitated. They used their extra clothing accesories, such as their bandanas and vests, as makeshift gloves. They handled Sonic like a person wearing a hazmat suit handles hazardous material.


	3. Kentucky Knuckles Kansas

Chapter 3: Kentucky "Knuckles" Kansas

Sonic woke up in a brothel-turned-prison camp. He found himself inside a room transformed into a holding cell. Sonic did not feel like his normal, cool and calculating self. He felt more like Coo-Coo Sonic Warrior, his berserk alter ego. Before he could go into a fit of rage, he heard someone whispering at him from the next room.

"Hey you. Young'un."

"What the-"

"Get over here. Quick!"

"How am I supposed to get over there? We're in two different rooms with no way for me to enter yours."

The man in the other room responded "Not for long. Just walk over here so I can tell you something. Something that may benefit us both."

"Uh, Okay" commented Sonic.

"Alright, here's my plan on getting out of our holding rooms. I'll get my friend here to knock down a portion of this wall so we can enter your room. I've heard that a secret exit lies within your room, one that leads us straight outside."

Sonic agreed to this plan. The person in the other cell might be an imbecile or mastermind, but it was better than staying in this room with the semen stains everywhere.

"Okay young'un. Here goes nothing."

A Red Echidna smashed through the fricking wall. The anthropomorphic Echidna had spines that looked like dreadlocks. His clothing consisted of an Egg Confederation uniform, worn by their army during the Civil War. His accent shifted between deep South and Jamaican.

"Ay mon, you want some Jumbo Juice?" asked the intimidating Echidna in his Jamaican accent.

"No thanks" said Sonic.

"Suit yerself" replied the Echidna in his generic Southern accent. "My name's Knuckles. Most of yer folk call me 'Kentucky Kansas' for some reason. Nice to meet thou."

"Oh no, not the Shakespearean dialogue again..." Sonic thought to himself.

"My name is Sonic 'Speedball' Hedgehedge. I think I've seen you somewhere before..."

"Thanks for getting us out of there, young'un" the crazy old fart interrupted.

Sonic turned to find something that made him shocked. He stood there frozen with Jumbo Juice dripping from his mouth. The man he "helped" earlier was none other than...


	4. El Cardenel, Fur Trader, and Jerboa

Chapter 4: El Cardenel, Fur Trader, and Jerboa

Bubsy the Bobcat! Sonic became so filled with anger that he could strangle Bubsy the Bobcat with his bare hands. "You..." whimpered the Bobcat. "We thought you were a goner!" "Not today, butthole!" exclaimed Sonic frustratingly. "Ay mon, vi can settle our differences laytear" said the optimistic Echidna. Knuckles began to punch out the Bandito guards and chewed and spitting on the ears, similar to the famous lawman Dwight Bison, who you do NOT want mess with. The trio of goofballs began to leave the abandoned brothel, as in abandoned for its previous purpose. More Banditos began to arrive on horseback, shooting at the trio.

"Get down, hoes mad, hoes mad."

"Knux, you're just making them more aggravated."

"Sorry, Coo-Coo Sonic Warrior."

Sonic was furious. He grumbled "Don't call me 'Coo-Coo Sonic Warrior' or I might get mad!" A modern day equivalent would be a kid telling his bully not to call him names.

Knuckles had an Idea. "That is what the guards have been calling you mon."

Sonic let out a battle cry that would rival that of the Native American tribes and the rebellious South. He rushed towards the posse of Banditos and gave them all a Dwight Bison uppercut with his Gigafist special attack. The Banditos were so messed up, that they now contracted Traumatic Brain Injury. Sonic gave himself a pat on the back with his Gigafist. He plowed through the enemy reinforcements comparable to how Popeye eats spinanch in one gulp. It was night time, so Sonic looked up at the ̶W̶h̶i̶t̶e̶ bright light; the moon. In this moment, at this hour, Sonic began to transform. He sounded like someone constipated from eating Taco Bell.

"Don't try this at home!" he murmered to someone.

That someone was a child from the village of Aqua Caliente, a village across the border from the state of Animexas. The child looked scared shitless and ran as fast as she could. "Heh, that child looked like they want running from ̶b̶o̶r̶d̶e̶r̶ ̶p̶a̶t̶r̶o̶l̶ the law!" said Knuckles, being the only one who laughed at his joke. Sonic transformed into a werehog, with big meaty claws that are furry. "Now I'm as strong as you, Knux."

"Don't call me Knux, or I might get angry!"

"Oh no, not this crud again" said Bubsy.

"Sorry Knux" Sonic mumbled.

Knuckles let out a yell that rivaled the battle cry of the Super Saiyans from Dragon Ball Z (Its okay to mention Dragon Ball Z since that is fiction). The battle cry was so loud that all the buffalo nearby killed themselves to avoid hearing the Echidna's defaction war scream. He too was transforming into an werehog. While they are more powerful, this form makes them more noticable by about everyone. The two began to run alongside a pack of wolves while SEGGA rock music that sounded like "Barracuda" from a certain band played (gotta avoid breaking the Fanfiction rule somehow). Flames began to appear behind the feet of the two critters because they were running so fast, accidently murdering the poor wolves.

Meanwhile, El Cardenel returned to the brothel to check on his prisoners. What he found though, were empty rooms that had semen stains all over. More than before in fact, it seemed like Bubsy the Bobcat is responsible for that. El Cardenel found out about this by sniffing the new semen stains. "Yes, this in fact was Bubsy." El Cardenel was able to pinpoint their exact location using his excellente forensic skills. They were heading back to Toot Toot Town.

Soknux managed to reach the town just before the rising son. "Good morning, Soknux." said the son. "How do you do?" asked both Sonic and Knuckles gentlemanly. "I was okay." responded the sunny jim. "Glad to hear that, sloppy cocky" said Soknux like a fraternity jock. Soknux went to see the Doctor named Robotnik.

"Well, if isn't Speedball and Kentucky Kansas" said the Doctor in a Jewish accent. Robotnik's appearance consisted of a black long sleeve shirt, Black robes, an old school lab coat, and a red kippah stacked on top of a White Derby cowboy hat. He wanted to warn them about the imminent trouble that they would face but it was too late. Fur Trader, popped out from the wardrobe and put Sonic in a headlock. "I'm sorry Sonic, they made it here before yall did" Robotnik said, trying to immitate a Southern accent. "Robotnik, what are they going to do to us?" asked the struggling hedgehog gasping for air. "They're going to hang you. Once again, I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry, okay?"

At dusk, Fur Trader tied the noose around Sonic's neck. "It's time for you to rot, bounty hunter" screeched El Cardenel, chuckling like a hyena choking on some chicken wings. "It's time for you stop being a bitch" Sonic counterargued. Fur Trader did not like debates, especially if they're political, so he punched Sonic in the ribs. Not the ribs that most people are thinking of when they're hungry, coated in barbeque sauce and usually tender. Nope, it's the ribs found in anatomy, not Porky Pig's anatomy mind you. Sonic had some beef with the San Pepinillos Hermanos; the verbal insults kind of beef. "I'm going to enjoy watching you become rabbit food" jested Jerboa. "But I'm not a rabbit" moaned Sonic like a horny teen. Too bad, Sonic would be great as cooked rabbit, served with some baked beans and bread. All of this talk about bbq would be ruined by Vegeta the Vegetarian and less so by Knuckles. Vegeta was said to be the most powerful Super Saiyan who possessed the most powerful super shotgun. "Vegeta!" screamed Jerboa. "I will not let you ruin this moment!"

"Too bad, I'm going to help this poor critter and there's nothing you could about it, murderers for meat!" Vegeta counterargued. Fur Trader became annoyed by all this argument nonsense, so he pulled out his revolver and shot Vegeta in the head. "Finally, I can get revenge on Sonic!" the jerboa said as he praised the landlord Chaos. The trapdoor beneath Sonic opened, and the hedgehog began to choke.

Fox Eyes went to look for Speedball in the mines. However, unlike his blue friend, he did not fall for the trap thanks to the misfortune of what happend to Speedball at that spot. Fox Eyes began to call out for Speedball. No response. Fox Eyes began walking forward until he hit his head on a waterfall. The fox searched behind the waterfall to see if his friend was there, but all he found was a treasure chest full of gold.

"Cool, but I have to find Son- I mean Speedball before he gets himself killed by those crazy bandits."

Fox Eyes began to sit down near the waterfall's base and began to drank out of his canteen filled with whiskey, rum, gummy bears, and piss. Fox Eyes liked the last ingredient the most; the taste of it could be compared to modern time's Bud Light beer. "Ah, taste like British cuisine" Fox Eyes whispered to himself like an arrogant, sarcastic food critic.

Fox Eyes continued through the mines, finding a lantern on top of a crate. "I don't know if I should take the lantern; it could be a trap."

Fox Eyes stared at the lantern for a minute, before saying "frick that shiznit" like a suburban kid trying to be ghetto. However, something caught the glimpse of his sight. There was a map conveniently placed there that leads to where Sonic was kept prisoner: the abandoned Brothel. Tails began to grin, and yelled "I'm going to become a brothel owner! That way, I could get money and retire the bounty hunter business." Tails shouldn't have yelled about his future opportunity, because hiding in the corner behind a stone was a red echidna who would not let the fox do this to himself.

"Tails!" shouted Knuckles like a homeless person happy to see an old friend from their childhood. "Brudda I don't tink you should have such bumbaclot thoughts on your mind" suggested the echidna.

"What do you mean?"

"You must remember Sonic! He is in big doodoo!"

"Where is he?"

"In deep shit. He's in Toot Toot Town about to be hanged."

"How can we get their quickly?"

"Letsa take dis stagewagon with horses."

The duo hopped into the stagecoach. Knuckles spanked the horses' asses to make them sprint at Sonic speed so they could rescue their friend of the same name as the speed level. Unfortunately, the Banditos were following them. Fox Eyes held them off with his coach gun. "Every lady's crazy when her daddy's not around! Dun Nuh na na na na nuh!" Tails sang. Knuckles sang along with the verse "Gotta reach for the top, stay on the mountain! Dun nah na na na na!" While Tails is able to hit the Banditos on horseback, it was harder to shoot at the one's on 19th century skateboards. "Here, throw dis dynamite at them" exclaimed Knuckles. Tails began throwing bundles of dynamite at the skateboard users, who turned out to be ordinary villagers and not Banditos. The villagers began cursing in Spanish, trying to run away from the dynamite before it explodes. "Well, at least they will stop following us now" said the anxious fox, who smoked a cigar to keep his nerves calm at the act of violence he just committed towards civilians.

"Ay mon, don't worry since every little thing will be alright." said Knuckles to his friend while smiling nervously.

Every little thing was not alright, since the sheriff of Aqua Caliente was right on their asses. Both Tails and Knuckles shouted "oh no, the sheriff!" The sheriff of Aqua Caliente was especially scary because he looked like a caveman wearing cowboy clothing. There was one stick of dynamite left, which Tails lit up and threw the explosive at the caveman in slow motion.

Sonic, feeling betrayed by Robotnik and Knuckles, shed a single tear. That single tear began to divide into more droplets of water through a complicated process we call mitosis. The tears began to form the almighty landlord Chaos, who snipped the rope used to hang Sonic. Chaos was back to collect the rent of the townsfolk, beginning a reign of terror as their mayor. With Sonic free, Jerboa won't have his revenge on the cool blue hedgehog for whatever reason. Sonic, cool as an ice cube, began to negotiate with Jerboa's gang. "If you guys help me bring down Chaos, I can pay you guys in gold!" reasoned the anthropomorphic hedgehog. Fur Trader was about to kick Sonic's ass again but Jerboa stopped him. "Okay, but you better not double cross us this time!" retorted Jerboa. "I wouldn't do that to you gentlemen, who are my friends." Bean the Dynamite, known as El Cardenel, nodded his head begrudgingly. Bark "Fur Trader" the Polar Bear felt as he had no choice but to agree to Sonic's terms of service. Fang the Sniper, who is referred to by his species, agreed. Little did they know that Sonic would backstab them again; the ne'er-do-good renegade.

"Here's your rifle, Sonic."

"Thanks, buddy" the hedgehog replied in a condescending way.

Sonic fired his Blue Baller at Chaos, but the weasel filled it with blanks.

"Hey Fang, you gave me blanks!"

Fang did not trust Sonic with actual ammo; the two-bit bitch betrayed the gang before. Fang used his Civil War break action sniper rifle named "Lovecroftian" against the water monster alongside his Rem-Ram New Model Army named "Drake-Ownian." Both of those weapons were named after treasure hunters. Bark the Polar Bear utilized a portable cannon by Serious Industries against the landlord while Bean the Dynamite threw dynamite at Chaos. Amy Rose, the hedgehog prostitute, used her derringer. Cream the Rabbit, bandit who survived the wrath of former Union officer Elmer Fudd, used a Mare's Leg rifle. Tails blasted the water monster's feet with his coach gun. Knuckles shot at the grand landlord with his entire arsenal of revolvers, shotguns, and rifles. Finally, the beast was brought down. While everyone was fighting Chaos, Sonic found ammo for his rifle and when he finished reloading, shot Bean the Dynamite, Bark the Polar Bear, and Fang the Sniper from a distance. Everyone else was to busy to notice.

"Great job guys! Too bad Chaos whacked the trio here. We should get the coffin maker!" Sonic said.

The leaders of the San Pepinillo Hermanos were put into coffins and sent into the cave cemetary. Sonic managed to trick both the San Pepinillo Hermanos and the landlord Chaos. More good news came along as the town received the shipment of U.S. bank notes. Now the town could use the Pesos as toilet paper after they take a shit. Sonic and Tails got the proper rewards for the bounties they claimed and Knuckles made an apology to the former.

"No hard feelings, right?"

"No way Knuckles, everything is okay between us. I had everything under control!"

Tails mentioned the gold to Sonic and Knuckles, telling them it is behind the waterfall in the mines. The trio decide to go back to the mines, not having to worry about traps set by those pickle heads. "Woohoo, we're rich!" they yelled. The coffin maker opened the coffin that contained Fang the Sniper. He tried to wake up the bandit by splashing water on his face. The coffin maker did not do this because he is insane. It was rather because the coffin maker is secretly working with the San Pepinillo Hermanos, since the coffin maker is Garfield in disguise!

"Wake up, Jerboa! We're going to kill Sonic Hedgehedge once and for all!"

"Ah yeah, I can't wait to blow all this money" said Sonic.

"On prostitutes, right?" Tails responded.

"Hecks yeah" shouted Knuckles.

The three traveled by horse to the state of Animexas. However, Robotnik stopped them. Since he helped Sonic out of that predicament, the hedgehog felt indebted to the doctor. "What's up, Robotnik?"

"If you folks are going to Boomtown, then you can use my new inventions of transportation" answered Robotnik.

Robohorses! These new inventions are as their name suggests. Mechanical forms of transportation that have an appearance based on the real animal. These steam-powered mules will be of much use on the trio of bounty hunters' journey to get some secks. They traveled to Boomtown, Animexas on their new forms of transportation.

Garfield gave Fang the Sniper an experimental body armor made by Robotnik, which looked like a knight's chestplate. "I'd much rather have a Lightweight Ballistic Vest from E.G.G. Mann Industries" Jerboa complained.

Garfield looked at him with a thousand-yard stare. Fang the Sniper felt uncomfortable so he said no more and left the cave, heading to Toot Toot Town.


	5. San Pepinillo Hermanos

Chapter 5: San Pepinillo Hermanos

As Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles got back from Boomtown, the condition of Toot Toot Town put the shock of Static Shock into them. "What happend to this place?" Tails murmered. Knuckles looked around and noticed that these were the works of the San Pepinillo Hermanos. Either they have a new leader, a leader that did not get killed, or one of their leaders survived. When they moved north, where the sheriff's office is, the trio was met by Garfield, Bubsy, Jerboa, the rest of the San Pepinillo Hermanos, and some El Gato gang members. The San Pepinillo Hermanos consists of lizard cowboys and other anthropomorphic reptiles who had Spanish accents.

"Garfield."

"Sonic."

The two enemies stared into each other souls as the duel music from that one movie in the Old West with the harmonica cowboy and the psychopath cowboy began to play. Sonic knew that he, Tails, and Knuckles were outnumbered. They could not win against El Gato and his posse. Sonic reached towards the back of his holster, where he kept the banana boomerang. Keeping it within his grip, but concealed to bandits, he had a plan to eliminate most of the enemies. Garfield and Sonic stared at each other for two minutes as the duel music continued playing. Sonic twirled the banana in his hand, ready to toss it at the water tower on the bathhouse roof.

"Draw!" shouted El Gato

Sonic tossed his banana at the water tower, causing it to fall over the San Pepinillo Hermanos and El Gato gang members. Tails and Knuckles pulled out their revolvers and shot at Bubsy's flamethrower pack, causing all the enemies to combust into flames, except El Gato and Jerboa. The bullets had no effect on Jerboa's armor and so the weasel shot Knuckles and Tails with his excellente marksmanship. Sonic became engraged, transforming into his alter ego Coo-Coo Sonic Warrior, who used the Gigafist special attack to smash Jerboa's head into the ground. Sonic looked for El Gato, who was nowhere to be found. Garfield was actually in the same building that he used to snipe the two deputies from before. This time, he is going to snipe Sonic in the back of the head.

However, Sonic is not going to be taken out today. Elmer Fudd countersniped the Italian cuisine conqueror who happends to be a cat, causing Garfield to fall from the building. Sonic was so angry that he picked up Garfield and kicked him like a football or soccer ball. Garfield flung out of town and landed into horse manure. As Sonic walked up to him, the dying comical lasagna-eating cat taunted the hedgehog one last time.

"You will never find my secret treasure, you dumb hedgehog!"

"Well, cat's out of the bag. Tails found your treasure" Sonic told Garfield.

"Im-impossible. That's not true. That's impossible!"

"Search your feelings, you know it be true!"

Garfield let out a groan that makes it seem like he has bad gas. Sonic headed back to Toot Toot Town, with the Blue Baller strapped to his back holster.

"It seems my work in this town is done."

Sonic claimed the bounties on El Gato, Jerboa, Fur Trader, El Cardenel, and the charred bodies of their posse. The hedgehog bounty hunter left the town, only to turn around one last time to find out his friends were actually alive. They too have been wearing body armor hidden under their clothing. Sonic smiled and continued to leave Toot Toot Town. After all, he had enough money to buy a fistful of rings.


	6. Animexas

**Cover art for this story can be found on my profile page.**

**This story takes place after the events of Fistful of Rings. It is recommended that the reader view that story first if they have not already.**

* * *

Chapter 6: Animexas

Animexas, a large state within the Old West that could be considered a country of its own, has some of the most advanced technology seen in the era after the Civil War. After the Egg Confederation's defeat by the Egg Union, the latter faction brought back most of states belonging to the former. Animexas was originally composed of the modern day states of Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, Utah, California, Oregon, and Washington. The states currently known as Oklahoma, Kansas, Nebraska, South Dakota, North Dakota, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, and Idaho became part of the larger Animexas. The state of Animexas was founded by two different parties. One group were Japanese and Korean time travelers, who brought advanced technology from the 20th century with them. The other group, were post-Soviet time travelers who brought back 21st century technology. The two groups created a treaty that led to the founding of Animexas.

Some of this technology included making characters from video games and anime come to life in the Old West, appearing exactly like they do in the video games and anime. That means they don't have hyper realistic features that would scare people (thank goodness). Animexas became a gaming and anime paradise for people, even though nobody of the 19th century knew any of those things. The people from the future began to send more people back in time to the Old West to work on their new state. These new time travelers were Swiss bankers, Chinese corporate executives, German scientists, Jewish merchants, African royalty with their miners, and various Eastern European industrialists. Using their respective trades, they created a state that would rival the United States. Their cities combined elements of steampunk, cyberpunk, biopunk, tribalpunk, smooth jazzpunk, westernpunk, and the Roaring Twenties. Throughout the Reconstruction Era, even more time travelers arrived to Animexas. They were experts in creating military equipment and airships during the First World War.

One of the most impressive features of Animexas were the cities built. The cities had different climates to accommodate the various species of fictional-turned-real anime and video game characters. The city of Rio de Meido was located in what is now Albuquerque, New Mexico. The city itself had elements that would remind one of a steampunk New York City combined with a cyberpunk Tokyo, with vegetation around the outskirts created by the Latin European botanists and florists. The Pecos River is improved with a filter to create clean, drinkable water for the population, and is heavily guarded by machines. The city had its own Silicon Valley, where Canadian and Indian code monkeys work at to create computer technology.

The primary economic organization of Animexas combined elements of a market economy and a planned economy. Secondary economic organization resembled proto-Communist Marxism mixed with Laissez-faire Capitalism. The second one was used in times of war. Speaking of times in war, a proto-Fascist state government was used. Regional governments derived their power from the large state government. It is unknown how Animexas got away with having these controversial systems because if this was the 1950's, they would get their ass handled to them. That is, if they didn't have the advanced technology available to them at this moment. The governor of Animexas is Nile Gonarch, with his political positions being fiscally liberal and socially awkward. He won the state election after killing his opponents from the other political parties through a Mexican standoff. He killed the Mexican candidate too, with no hard feelings towards any of his opponents. He just had to win, that's all. "It was just business" he thought to himself.

The industries thrived, with multiple opportunities. They have developments in nuclear and solar energy research. Still, steam-powered and diesel-powered were the best method of transportation. Cars were not available, since they can't send workers of the motor industry back in time because they all left that shithole we call the Midwest (no offense). However, there were nightclubs that played trance music, hyperdubstep D'n'B, and other EDM.

The United States began to notice the technological advancement of Animexas. Tensions began to ran between the two. The U.S. government was going to have none of that degeneracy brought by the state of Animexas. The Prohibition Act began prematurely, and to nobody's surprise, it did not work on the degenerates. Enough was enough; a strike team created by General "Price" Grant, Brigadier General "Soap" Harrison, Major General "Ghost" Garfield, Major "Gaz" Hayes, and Captain "Roach" McKinley was sent on a special operations mission to take out a shipyard used by Animexas. The mission was a success, and the U.S. Navy began to engage the private navy of Animexas. They were no match, since the private navy of Animexas had superior weaponry.

However, two brilliant inventors came along to even the odds of the Second American Civil War. The inventors were Doctor Robotnik and E.G.G. Mann, who created an entire army of robots and cloned anthropomorphic hedgehogs to battle the military of Animexas. The strike team mentioned earlier managed to obliterate the video game and anime creating machine, preventing any more nonsense from the 20th and 21st centuries. The future of the world began to look brighter. Unfortunately, E.G.G Mann was double crossed by his allies, as they left him against the incoming regiments of pissed off video game characters belonging to Japanese video game publishers. E.G.G. Mann managed to escape, and the Egg Confederation was brought back once again. In addition, he included the remnants of the Egg Union from the First American Civil War to bolster the military forces. The Second American Civil War became a threesome battle between the United States, Animexas, and the Egg Confederation.

As for the rest of the world, they were at war with the military forces of Animexas that went rogue and attempted to conquer all of the planets in the solar system.


	7. Rio de Meido

Chapter 7: Rio de Meido

WANTED: Turko

The poster layed there on the ground, until a mysterious figure picked it up. A train to Rio de Meido began to stop at a station the myterious figure was heading to. The stranger took his seat on the train, across from the very busty prostitute Yunyun and her friend Megumin, who was more perky. The stranger's face was concealed with a bandana and a mask, like the one worn by the Lone Ranger. Their hat was a Gambler-styled one, and an eyepatch covered their right eye. This mysterious person began to read a newspaper detailing the massacres comitted by Turko, the criminal on the poster. Turko killed some civilians in Toot Toot Town with his two golden derringers and a silver Mare's Leg rifle. He was last seen with his band of Ottoman Turks exporting coffee and tea at the docks of Argente Bay, near the Gulf of Mexico. This seemed confusing to the stranger, who had no leads on how Turko and his men managed to reach the bay. The stranger began to wonder if the Turks are even alive.

The two women began to ask the stranger what he was up to. The man simply remained silent.

"Attention passengers, our next stop will be at Rio de Meido. We will arrive in-"

Gunshots were heard coming from outside, and the sounds of hooves were getting closer. Everyone, except for the masked man, were panicking. This was no disco. The train began to immediatly come to a stop as the emergency brakes were activated. Finally, a gang of outlaws pulled up, intending to rob the train. The masked man continued to read the newspaper, finding out the details concerning Turko's appearance according to witnesses. The train robbers began to threaten the passengers.

"Everyone get in the back!"

"And give up your money!"

"We don't have all day here, so pay up or die!"

"You're right, we don't have all day here. The train crew will figure out the problems with the train. I'll get rid of these mooks."

The masked man got up and reached for his revolver, even with the outlaws pointing their weapons towards him. However, he threw his knives at the three outlaws before power sliding and finishing them off with the revolver. The masked man began to examine the bodies. These outlaws seem to be members of the Gatos. The masked man removed the bodies from the train and placed them onto a wagon pulled by one of the outlaws' horses. One of the train's crew member asked who the stranger was. The stranger told him "It's a me, Big Haus!" in the comedic tone he was known for, which differed from his actual tone that the train crew and passengers heard earlier; the one with a deeper pitch. The Italian bounty hunter got on the wagon and directed the horse towards Rio de Meido.

The roads were made of chiseled sandstone and the signs were not active since it was day. Mario made a stop at the bounty office to collect the reward on the three outlaws, each one worth $2,000. He stayed at the hotel across the bounty office. As he checked in, a bulletin caught his attention. The last known location of Turko was at this city. According to the date, this information was published after the article he read in the newspaper. Keeping this in mind, Mario went upstairs to settle in his room. He set his black coat and gambler cowboy hat on the rack and went to open his window. The bounty hunter began to scout the area with a monocular, finding someone familiar.

"That blue hedgehog again, of all places," Mario said out loud.

Sonic, with a handful of money and a fistful of rings, went to the saloon and stayed there for the day. He sold the rings for twice the amount he bought them at and checked in. The hedgehog unpacked his luggage in his room and was about to get some sleep until he heard a knock on his door. When he opened the door, two slutty maids greeted him. They were Rem and Ram, who offered Sonic cabaret styled services. Bringing him a bottle of champagne, the hedgehog enjoy the night with the two succubi.

At night, Mario prepared to look for Turko. He packed his revolver, the "Really Big Sausage," and headed out of the hotel. The mustached man walked towards the saloon that Sonic is in and search for any signs of Turko being there. Coincidentally, a drunk Turk stumbled throughout the bar, yelling "This is bullshit!" to the barkeeper.

"We're trying to have a civil discussion!"

Mario grabbed the Turk by the collar and demanded the location of Turko. The Drunk Turk tried to deny knowing about anyone named Turko, but the Italian bounty hunter has seen this wretch traveling alongside the outlaw. Mario once again demanded Turko's location. Drunk Turk began blurting out "It's bullshit, it's bullshit!" to the patrons. He finally spoke about the location when Mario offered $20 to him, saying that Turko was at the Apache Casino. Mario brought Drunk Turk outside of the saloon and threw him on the ground, and the rest of the cake too. "Welcome to the real world, jackass!" Mario said to the drunk, before taking back the $20 from his hand. "You'll pay for this, Big Haus!" screamed the Turk. Mario proceeded to the Apache Casino, where he might find Turko if the information that drunk gave is true.

Sonic rested on the bed with his arms behind his head, as the two maids began to undress themselves. The two succubi began to slide the hedgehog's pants down to the groin level. They began to stroke his luggage with their hands. "What do you have in here?" the maids asked sexily. Sonic replied "Oh, just some clothes. That's all." The two maids began to stroke Sonic's manhood slowly at first. The hedgehog groaned "Oh yeah, that's the stuff! A little faster. Gotta go fast!" They had a better idea. The maids decided to suck on Sonic's manhood, causing him to moan slightly. "Ohhhhhhhhh!"

Mario arrived at the Apache Casino, asking the receptionist if they have seen someone with the appearance of Turko. The receptionist's eyes were directed to the second floor, giving Mario a hint on where Turko is without having to say it aloud. "Much obliged," replied the bounty hunter. Mario heard one of the cooks in the back yelling about an order. "Hey, someone bring this bratwurst to the guests!" Mario decided to volunteer. "Thanks, one-eye!" Mario went up stairs while carrying the bratwurst on a silver platter, being very careful with it (like someone from the post office handling fragile items). Mario went to the room of the guests who ordered the sausage. He knocked on the door and was met by two princesses who looked like the one from the Mushroom Kingdom, wearing only their undergarments.

"Who ordered a large... sausage."

"We did, but we don't have any money."

"How can we pay you?"

"Well..."

There was an awkward silence.

"How could they pay me!?" he said while turning his direction towards the band.

The DK band woke up and began to play some funky 70's music while the women brought the Italian man inside. When he got into the room, Turko was there. "Turko, I've got a different kind of sausage for you," Mario said as he drew out his revolver. Turko threw a pillow at Mario and jumped off the balcony, not taking fall damage. Mario excused himself from the room. "Pardon me, ladies."

Back to Sonic. "Holy Chaos Emeralds, this feels so good," he said while the two maids slid their buttocks between his 12-inch manhood. Moving faster and faster while bouncing up and down, up and down. "Oh my emeralds, I'm about to burst!" said the hedgehog. Sonic began to shoot his creamy cream all over the buttocks of Rem and Ram. "Oh, we're not finish yet," said Sonic. The hedgehog grabbed a bottle of Viagra and took some of the blue quadrilateral pills. "Now you ladies will know why I'm the fastest thing in the West!" Both of the maids began to slide their tight caverns around the hedgehog, making ahe gao faces. Their tongues began to hang out and they were hot and sweaty. Sonic began to squeeze their breasts. "Oh yeah, these are some nice cupheads!" The night was starting to become midnight.


	8. The Chaotix Gang

Chapter 8: The Chaotix Gang

Sonic woke up as the maids have left the room. He did a "Triple S" rank. A Triple S is an abbreviation for "Shit, Shower, and Shave." After he finished, he went outside only to find a bunch of steampunk criminals; the Anglo-Saxon Desperadoes. They were at war with another group of outlaws; the cyberpunk Chaotix gang. Primarily composed of Western European, Eastern Asian, and Southern Asian members, the chaotix gang seemed futuristic compared to the general population of Rio de Meido. This batch was led by three lieutenants; Techno Crock, Chamel Leon, and Bumblebee. The Chaotix used horses, but less so compared to other gangs. Their main transportations were futuristic motorbikes like the ones from TRON, while the lieutenants used autobots that transformed into vehicles. They don't identify as cars, so cars are nonexistant at the time.

"What's going on here?" thought Sonic, completely oblivious to what shooting between the two gangs. The crocodile Techno Crock had a light machine gun constructed from scrap, a M249, and one Manchester Model 1873 lever action rifle. This turquiose monstrosity of a weapon was named "Kawaii Miku" after the Goddess of Singing in Japanese culture. The horned chameleon Chamel Leon used kunais, a pink burst fire pistol called "Ryuko Matoi" after his deceased lover, and kung fu moves he learned from the Dojima Dragon Clan of Yakuza Monks. Bumblebee used a modified M202 rocket launcher that shot poisonous rockets, named "The Hive."

As for their ancestry, Techno Crock was of Croatian, Serbian, Greek, Romanian, Ukrainian, and Russian descent. Chamel Leon was of Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Taiwanese, Vietnamese, Laotian, Cambodian, Thai, Mongolian, Filipino, Indonesian, and Singaporean descent. Bumblebee was of Egyptian, Indian, Pakistani, Persian, Ottoman, Babylonian, Afghani, and Bangladeshi Cowboy descent. More reinforcements for both sides arrived. Two more lieutenants of the Chaotix have provided support to the main attack force. One of them was Armordillo, a mighty ARMAdillo of combat skilled with a crimson crossbow designed to launch incendiary arrows. He called this crossbow "Tenderizer" because it would decrease the enemy's defense by two. Armordillo was of Powhatan, Apache, Iswa, Cherokee, and Cheyenne descent. The other lieutenant was Raycorn, an anthropomorphic flying squirrel. Raycorn was armed with armed with dual Model 1928 submachine guns called "Bambi" and "Wide" along with four pocket pistols named after Pac-Man's rivals; Blinky, Inky, Pinky, and Clyde. The colors of the pocket pistols matched each rival. Raycorn was of Scottish, Welsh, Irish, French, Spanish, Portuguese, Belgian, and Italian descent. None of them knew anything about their ancestor's cultures though.

Sonic has finally found his target: the Chaotix gang. Previously, Sonic spoke with Shadow about a list of targets that a client requested to be taken out.

[Flashback Begins]

As Sonic walked out of Toot Toot Town to head towards Rio de Meido, a hedgehog dressed in black clothing caught his attention after shooting the cattleman hat Sonic wore. This mysterious hedgehog wore a black pinched front cowboy hat, and was carrying a Manchester Model 1866 lever action rifle engraved with the words "Black Arms .44 Rimfire" on the left side of the receiver. The words were in white, contrasting with the metallic black receiver and the crimson colored barrel of the rifle.

"Hey Deutschbag! Watch where you're shooting!" Sonic moaned.

"You're attention is in my hand!" responded the other hedgehog.

The hedgehog revealed himself as Shadow the Gunslinger, a deadly mercenary hired by the Egg Union and Egg Confederation during the First American Civil War. "Oh no, not you!" exclaimed Sonic. "Why do you have to bother me when I'm going to celebrate my victory at Boomtown?"

Shadow nodded. "Change of plans, I have a list describing targets you were assigned by the Egg Union and Egg Confederation during the war. You have unfinished business," said Shadow with a sense of pride from bringing Sonic back into the job of bounty hunting. Shadow began to read the list of individuals outlaws and gangs. "Los Gatos. Revolutionaries. The Chaotix. The Florists. Triple R. Turko. Kentucky Kan-"

"Hold on there, dead-eye dipshit!" interrupted Sonic. "First, I took out El Gato and claimed the bounty. Second, Kentucky Kansas is my friend. His real name is Knuckles the Echidna."

"You really should have kept quiet, Sonic. My client E.G.G. Mann would not be too happy about you killing one of his most trusted enforcers. There was a schism in the El Gato gang. The ones who left the gang formed the Gatos, led by Big the Gat. As for working with Kentucky Kansas, who you seem to call Knuckles, that's considered treason to the Egg Union and Egg Confederation. Knuckles was a deserter who left the Egg Confederation during the Battle of J.P. Gettem, which became a crucial loss for their army. An embarrassing defeat. The Egg Union still considers Knuckles an enemy for murdering civilians on their territory." Sonic began to look down at the ground. He could not believe the bullshit he was hearing. Shadow began to make a compromise with Sonic. If the blue hedgehog could infiltrate the Chaotix gang and put a stop to their acts of terror, he would pardoned by the U.S. government and the business magnate E.G.G. Mann. Shadow will go after the Revolutionaries and the Los Gatos.

"The Gatos" Sonic corrected.

"What?" Shadow exclaimed.

"Rio Grande River. Jesus."

"What the fuck?"

"It's not the Los Gatos. It's just the Gatos. Los means- Fuck it."

"Alright, what I'm saying is I will go after the Revolutionaries and the Gatos." mentioned Shadow. Little did either of them know there would be other participants.

[Flashback Ends]

Sonic helped the Chaotix hold off the Desperadoes using his Manchester Model 1873 "Blue Baller" that was upgraded from a Model 1866. He got 15 kills with all 15 bullets, calling in a gunship made in Animexas. Before the gunship arrived, it was shot down by one of the Desperadoes. The impact of the gunship still killed most of the Desperadoes, and Sonic finished off the rest with his Horse Single Action Army revolver "Cordon Bleu." Nevertheless, the Chaotix were impressed. "You have displayed much bravado," said Techno Crock, sounding like Count Dooku from the Clone Wars anime. "Indeed. Our leader may include you in our guild," said Chamel Leon, sounding like Yama Yugi from Yu-Gi-Oh. "Yeah, you could be our sharpshooter!" yelled Bumblebee, who sounded like Spongebob. Armordillo stood at the town podium and announced "Our leader has spoken, this hedgehog shall be one of our own!" sounding like Solid Snake from Metal Gear Solid. "Yaaayyy!" shouted Raycorn, who sounded like a Japanese voice actor trying to do an English dub.

Sonic became part of the Chaotix, and they told him of their plan. "We're going to rob the Bank of El Paso." They were after a strongbox full of money; about 20,000,000 in U.S. dollars. The strongbox was discreetly hidden inside a wardrobe within the vault. Techno Crock pointed at the location of the vault on the blueprints. "Sonic, you will take three of our peons with you and get the guards attention. Once the alarm goes off, the rest of use will blast through the outer bank wall adjacent to the vault. Then we lasso the wardrobe out of there while putting down anyone who gets in our way." Chamel Leon pointed at the water facility. "Your transportation will be at the side of this facility, Sonic." Bumblebee checked everyone's weapons, making sure that they were ready for tomorrow. "Everything is good to go! Let's get rich!" Bumblebee said the next morning. They got their masks, bandanas, and weapons; the Chaotix made their way to the Bank of El Paso.

Sonic and the three peons walked into the bank. During the ensuring firefight, Sonic shot the three peons and caused the bank alarm to trigger by taunting a teller to activate it. "Come on slowpoke! Step it up!" he jested like a douche cannoli, Mario's favorite food. The rest of the Chaotix blew up the bank wall and it worked just as planned. They secured the rope around the wardrobe and the horse of Techno Crock pulled it away from the vault. "Yeehaw!" exclaimed the five lieutenants of the Chaotix.

Sonic got onto the horse by the water facility and hauled ass, attempting to catch up with the rest of the gang. Meanwhile, the bounty hunter Mario gave Sonic a convincing wound on the arm with a nonlethal shot from his scoped break action rifle. "Ow!" yelped Sonic like a kid falling off their bicycle and scraping their elbow. Sonic managed to stay on his horse though, and continued to meet up with the Chaotix at the rendezvous point. "Now we head north," said Armordillo. "To Toot Toot Town?" asked Sonic. "Yeah, to Toot Toot Town" replied Raycorn. Sonic, trying to lead the Chaotix away from the north, said "I don't know guys, they might have a military blockade there. Who knows what will be waiting up there. Could be a bunch of angry Pokemon."

"Yeah? What do you suggest we do?" asked Chamel Leon.

Sonic suggested "I say we head down south. To Aqua Caliente."


	9. Fort Chao

Chapter 9: Fort Chao

The Chaotix began to move through the city of Aqua Caliente. The city of Aqua Caliente was originally a small town, until the actions of the bounty hunters Fox Eyes and Kentucky Kansas. Huge statues were erected in the center of the city portraying the two as heroic revolutionaries. In fact, their actions allowed the villagers living there to transform into the greater Water Empire. Led by the Empress Aqua, the Goddess of Water in Japanese culture, they used their water bending skills to obliterate the smaller gangbanging tribes like the Southside Water Kings, Grape Boulevard Air Nomads, the 28th Earth Kingdom, and the East Side Fire Nation. "We'll settle here," Bumblebee stated, before telling them the nonsensical legend of the turf war between the four elemental gangs.

[Story Begins]

Aang of the Grape Boulevard Air Nomads traveled in his 19th century caddie he brought over from the Himalayan Mountains. Appa and Momo were just behind, ensuring that Aang gets to the meeting with Sokka and Katara. "Sup blud," said Aang to Sokka. "Look at your nappy ass hair."

Aang was commenting about Sokka's afro. "Hey mudafucka, at least I got some hair. Your ass looks like Caillou from that anime 'Avatar: the Last Airbender,'" counterdabbed Sokka. Katara called their blind Oriental servant Toph Beifong to fetch them some tea. Toph didn't come back with the tea; she came back with MAC-10 loaded with a 30 round CLIP. "28th Earth Kingdom represent!"

Toph began to shoot at Southside Water Kings with the submachine gun machine pistol. She wasn't really blind, only pretending to be so Katara and Sokka thought she was harmless. Katara and Sokka pulled out their Gangster 17 handguns and tried to shoot at Toph blindly with blind fire. They couldn't hit her and the 28th Earth Kingdom member did a backflip out of the window, before throwing a sleeping gas grenade. Needless to say, Katara and Sokka fell asleep. Aang pimpslapped the two, causing them to wake up too. Aang ran through the Japanese gentleman's club, where the kawaii pole dancing adolescent women wore only their bras, panties, and cherry blossom kimonos. This all occured while "World's End Rhapsody" from the album "Modal Soul." Aang got distracted by the sheepish, yet beautiful, Anime pole dancing women. "Katara. Sokka. You go on ahead."

Katara, Sokka, and all of the Sokka DJs of the Southside Water Kings got into Aang's caddie and drove off, going after Toph. Traffic was rare that day, as a younger Robotnik's innovative armored personnel carriers and infantry fighting vehicles were not patrolling the street. They accidentally blew up the statue of Avellone, the alter ego of the bandit Pitchford. Sokka began to smoke all of the Jarbo opium doobies to calm his nerves. "Every Little Thing" by Kyle K. Kansas, Knuckles' father and notable slaver, began to play. Everything was not going to be alright, as the East Side Fire Nation were trying to ram them off the road. One of the fire benders pulled out an AK while threatening them with words. "Ozai says buenas noches." The firing bender began to shoot at Aang's caddie. To make matters worse, the 28th Earth Kingdom had a blockade up ahead and were shooting at both the Southside Water Kings and the East Side Fire Nation. At last, the Grape Boulevard Air Nomads showed up with TEC-9 machine pistols in their hands and a chip on their shoulders. A foursome shootout began, with Katara and Sokka hiding in the supermarket. Toph hid in the sheriff's office, taking potshots at the rival gangs. An Egg Limo showed up, and two more gangsters showed up. Their allegiance was to the East Side Fire Nation. Zuko pulled out an RPG. Azula pulled out her 10 inch futanari, which had inari tofu bags filled with rice instead of testis. "I'd like to suck the vinegar out of those," said one of the Sokka DJs. Azula began to explain the rules of this battle.

"The winner fucks the loser. That's the only rule."

Azula began to banzai charge towards the enemies with her futanari, trying to impale as many of them as she can before she gets killed. Zuko proceeded to steal Aang's caddie and keys before shooting at the supermarket with the RPG, causing the debris to fall onto Katara and Sokka. The second-in-command of the East Side Fire Nation drove off, leaving his goonies to the fight. Toph decided to martyr herself for the beliefs of the 28th Earth Kingdom, and committed her swan song for one second before Aang shot her with a Spankher .45 handgun. The same gun Dungeon Master of Germany Rudolph Spankher used in the future to commit seppuku. Aang threw a lemon-lime shaped grenade into the supermarket, killing the Water Kings' leaders. Zuko went back to his uncle Iroh's mansion. Iroh was an infamous druglord and leader of the Inferno Cartel. Zuko went to have sex with some hot Fire Nation babes to prove Iroh's underlings that he was the alpha. The top dog. After the battle was over, Aang seemed to be the only one standing. He took the Egg Limo and drove to the Iroh Estate to appoint Zuko as the regional governor managing the congregation of towns that would become Aqua Caliente. Zuko changed his name to Nile Gonarch. Aang took on the local role of sheriff, as he started to look more like a caveman.

[Story Ends]

"Wow Bumblebee, that sounds like a bunch of bumblebullshit!" said Bumblebee to himself. Everyone else agreed that the story was absurd and continued to Fort Chao, the hideout of the Chaotix. Suddenly, there was a sniper taking cheapshots at them from the watchtower.

"Bumblebee, use your rocket launcher!" said Raycorn.

"Take cover!" yelled Armordillo.

Bumblebee launched the rockets from "The Hive," causing clouds of poisonous gas to disperse. The residents of the city became ill, having coughing fits. They tried to cover their mouths and noses, but it's no use! The citizens became victim to the terrorist attack caused by the Chaotix. Techno Crock, Sonic, and Raycorn provided suppressive fire against the sniper, while Chamel Leon and Armordillo were told to gather as many citizens as they could. The chaotix intended to traffic the citizens, selling them to a notoriously BIG criminal. "Wow, how convenient that we have gas masks on!" thought Sonic, impressed by this equipment created by the rogue state of Animexas. The sniper also seemed to have a gas mask on, speaking to himself with an Australian accent. He was not alone; there were eight other mercs with him. "Go, go, go! Charge!" yelled the one with a helmet, an American mercenary. "Will you just let's go?" whined another mercenary with a Bostonian accent. The rest of the mercs began to show up: a Scottish grenadier, a Texan innovator, a German surgeon, a French double agent, a Soviet heavy weapons specialist, and a flametrooper of unknown origin. All of the mercenaries had a professional appearance; they wore different gas masks, combat utility uniforms, ballistic vests, gloves, and boots. They dressed in all black and had a Mann Co. insignia on either their sleeves or the front of the shirt.

"We've got Mann Co. Commandos!" yelled an Aqua Caliente Royal Guard. Armordillo tried to shoot at the sniper with the Tenderizer, but the incendiary arrows from the crossbow did not hit the target. The Texan mercenary began to assemble to assemble an automative gatling gun called "Brass Beast" by the commandos. The German medical expert and Boston cavalryman tried to evacuate many citizens that remained in the town. The slighty drunk yet sober enough Scottsman used a Cock-n-Balls Cannon to decimate much of the structures that provided cover for the Chaotix and Aqua Caliente Royal Guard. The American mercanery, a former member of a Midwest militia, reassembled his portable artillery and fired off several rockets before needing to reload. The Soviet began to man the Brass Beast, firing at the Royal Guards while the Texan managed the ammunition. Their muffled communications made them sound tacticool.

"Let's find a way out of here," said Techno Crock, calm as the Kool-Aid Man. The Mann Co. flametrooper began to torch the building they were in with their flamethrower, drawing them out. An injured Armidillo shot the flametrooper with the Tenderizer before succumbing to his wounds. The flametrooper, bleeding but still breathing, aimed a flare gun towards Bumblebee and pulled the trigger. Bumblebee plummeted to the ground, as did the Pyro. As his submachine guns "Bambi" and "Wide" ran out of bullets, Raycorn swapped to his pocket pistols Blinky, Inky, Pinky, and Clyde. He was successful in neutralizing the Scout, Engineer, Medic, and Demoman with each pistol. With no ammo left, Raycorn pulled out a knife and charged at the French double agent, who did not budge during his smoking session. The sniper hit Raycorn, who stumbled before he was finished off by another shot from the marksman of Australia and New Zealand. Finished with their cigarette, the spy leaned against a building, crossing his arms before signaling to his colleague in the watchtower that the remaining Chaotix members were boarding a train; the same one Mario was on from before. As he prepared to shoot Sonic, the sniper was headshotted by another marksman. "You can thank me later, hedgehog," said the Italian bounty hunter. The Heavy, Soldier, and Spy were nowhere to be seen. After confirming they were indeed gone, Mario took the bodies of Armordillo, Raycorn, and Bumblebee and put them on his wagon.

"We didn't get any citizens and the money is gone" mentioned Chamel Leon. "We will get some on this train. Don't worry about the money," muttered Techno Croc. As the train became close to Fort Chao, Techno Croc activated the emergency brakes. "We are currently figuring out the maintenance problems. Everyone remain ca-"

Techno Crock shot the train conductor with a Horse Navy revolver, the only weapon he had after losing his light machine gun "Kawaii Miku" during the firefight at Aqua Caliente. He held all of the passengers and remaining crew members at gun point. "Everyone, stay the fuck down and don't try anything!" screamed the crocodile. Techno Crock told Sonic and Chamel Leon to watch the train while he went to Fort Chao.

Techno Crock told the head of the Chaotix about what happend. The Chaotix leader told the crocodile that he will send some of his men to collect the wardrobe and the civilians. The leader told him about a meeting with Los Gatos, who the Chaotix are trading the civilians to as slaves for various purposes, in exchange for dollars and emeralds. Gemstones, similar to valuable metals like gold and silver, were used as currency in Animexas. Meanwhile, Yunyun asked why the Chaotix gang would do such an act. Sonic whispered to her that he was undercover.

"How can I trust you? That gang your part of has committed inhumane acts against some ordinary gamers and people."

"You can trust me, I-I-I-I-I'm a Libertarian," Sonic stuttered.

"Sonic, enough talk about what you are," intercepted Chamel Leon; the cockblocker.

Several members of the Chaotix showed up on the train and put the civilians in chains. "What we're going to do would make the Egg Confederation blush," one of the Chaotix peons jested. Another Chaotix peon taunted the civilians. "I see we got some anime who-ares heah." Sonic, who wanted to "help" the civilians, was knocked out by Techno Crock and Chamel Leon. When Sonic woke up, the two lieutenants beat him and "Big Haus" up. The other Chaotix members began to laugh like a bunch of drunkards and Eastern Asain anime schoolgirls. Techno Crock and Chamel Leon began to howl too, like wolves on a friday night getting ready to party in Yakuza 0. After a while, Sonic E-X-E told them to throw the bounty hunters into the rape dungeon turned interrogation room of Fort Chao. Sonic E-X-E was the leader of the Chaotix, and ruled the gang with an iron, but fair, fist.

Heavy, using a kunai belonging to Chamel Leon, stabbed the guard watching over the prisoners. He proceeded to free the bounty hunters, who came 20 times within the whole day after they were forced to have sex with succubi from different anime. Those succubi were considered to be sloppy seconds by the rest of the Chaotix who are going to have some fun with them now. The Tee-Eff-2 Heavy gave them their guns but no bullets to reload with, saying in his Soviet accent "I have no bullets for teeny tiny men."

Sonic E-X-E watched from behind a couple of boxes. Everything went according to plan, as the bounty hunters have escaped and his gang paranoid. Chamel Leon began to panic as E-X-E called him out as a traitor. In truth, Sonic E-X-E told the Heavy to set up Chamel Leon as a traitor who freed the bounty hunters. This will cause the gang to be distrustful of each other and increase their hatred towards Sonic and Mario, who they still think is Big Haus. E-X-E executed Chamel Leon and told the rest of the gang his reason for doing so, showing the kunai used belonged to Chamel Leon. He then told the Chaotix to go after the bounty hunters, but told Techno Croc to stay. As Sonic E-X-E went to open the strongbox, Techno Crock walked into the room and collapsed. He had been killed by a backstab with another one of the kunais belonging to Chamel Leon. The evil Sonic began to sweat, feeling uneasy about who had done this. A man with a suit entered the room.

"Did you forget about me?"

It was the Tee-Eff-2 Spy, holding E-X-E at gunpoint. The Spy told him to unlock the strongbox, which the evil version of Sonic had done. The money was gone. Instead, they found a poster that said "You've been t-t-t-toaster'd!" Spy began to laugh hysterically, filled with different emotions. Sonic E-X-E just stared at the poster with a blank, wide eyed expression.


	10. One Rich Hedgehog

Chapter 10: One Rich Hedgehog  
The passengers of the train were brought onto the U.S.S Epstein, a ship that came from Argente Bay named after Albert Epstein; grandfather of Robotnik and creator of Shadow the Gunslinger. They were going to be sent to Los Gatos' private island in the U.S. Vegeta Islands. The children, teenagers, and elderly were sent to work in labor camps to manufacture equipment for the Gatos. The middle aged adults worked in the mines and farms. The young adults were either sex slaves, mining slaves, farming slaves, or fishing slaves. Other private islands were owned by the Inferno Cartel and the Ottoman gang led by Turko.

Multiple battles erupted throughout the territories of Animexas, the United States, and the Egg Confederation. Sonic found a newspaper listing some of the most notable battles:  
-Battle of Aqua Caliente; ongoing. Participants: Animexas, the United States.  
-Battle of Fort Chao; ongoing. Participants: Animexas, the United States, Egg Confederation, Chaotix.  
-Battle of Argente Bay; ongoing. Participants: Animexas, the United States.  
-Battle of Vegeta Islands; ongoing. Participants: Animexas, the United States, Egg Confederation, Inferno Cartel, Los Gatos.  
-Battle of Angel Island; ongoing. Participants: Animexas, the United States, Egg Confederation.  
-Battle of Toot Toot Town; U.S. victory. Participants: Animexas, the United States.  
-Battle of the Capitol Palace; U.S. victory. Participants: Animexas, the United States.  
-Battle of Bathwater; Animexas victory. Participants: Animexas, the United States.  
-Second Battle of J.P. Gettem; Egg Confederation victory. Participants: the United States, Egg Confederation.  
-Second Battle of the Trail; Egg Confederation victory. Participants: the United States, Egg Confederation.

"Holy emeralds, they're going to bring the war straight outta Virginia and onto Fort Chao!" Sonic said. Both Sonic and Mario decided to make their way back to Rio de Meido, where the $20,000,000 was hidden. "I transferred the money there after you boarded the train," claimed the bounty hunter Mario. He continued speaking to Sonic while they traveled there. "I think it is time to get rid of this facade." Mario removed the patch over his left eye, which he used to disguise himself as Big Haus, leader of the Outer Haven Desperadoes. Sonic was not surprised; he knew that "Big Haus" was Mario the whole time. The two continued to Rio de Meido, hoping that the city is still in one piece.

During the Battle of Argente Bay, Admirals Monkey D. Luffy, Squidward Tentacles, and Tommy Briggs lead the United States Navy against the combined forces of Admiral Seto Kaiba of Cuba, Bowser Jr. of Ethiopia, Daigo "Dio" Brando of Austria-Hungary, King K. Rool of England, and Majin Buu of Hell. The Thousand Sunny, Going Merry, Oro Jackson, Flying Dutchman, and U.S.S. Obama were the capital ships of the United States fleet; the last one being the flagship since it functioned as a aircraft carrier. The Blue Eyes White Dragon was the flagship of the Animexas navy. "Full Salvo!" shouted Admiral Seto Kaiba, sounding like Hitler from Wolfenstein 3D. The Blue Eyes White Dragon began to direct all of its weaponry towards the Going Merry, a powerful supply ship. "All frigates, phalanx formation!" shouted Admiral Luffy, whose objective was defending the Going Merry from the long range artillery of the Blue Eyes White Dragon. "Boarding parties, get ready!" commanded both Luffy and Kaiba. The United States navy boarding parties were led by "Red-Haired" Shanks, a friend of Luffy and former Animexas Admiral. The Animexas boarding parties were led by Bowser Jr. and Daigo Brando. "Strawhat Pirates lead the way!" yelled Shanks.

The Battle of Vegeta Islands concurred with the Battle of Argent Bay. The U.S. Army was led by Generals Ichigo Kurosaki, Yami Yugi, Yusuke Urameshi and Cory Baxter. Colonel Sam Fisher spearheaded the Studies and Observations. The Animexas private army was under the command of Dictators Frieza Castro and Cell Zedong, who sent his orders to the Generals Goku, Trunks, and Piccolo. The three were secretly in charge of Operation 40, an elite counterintelligence group rebelling against Frieza Castro's Tropas and Cell Zedong's Vietcong. Goku, Trunks, Piccolo, Ichigo Kurosaki, Yami Yugi, Yusuke Urameshi, Cory Baxter, and Sam Fisher planned out how they would raid Frieza Castro's plantation and Cell Zedong's palace inside a Cuban bar. A pissed off Cuban military captain busted open the door, demanding five of them to show some identification papers. As the captain turned his direction toward Yami Yugi, Yusuke Urameshi took out his knife and impaled the captain's hand to the counter. "Yugi, M16 with grenade launcher!" shouted Goku the Cuban barkeeper, handing Yami Yugi the assault rifle. As they looked outside, the Nationale Poliza ordered the group to surrender. "Occupants leaving vehicles armed with shawguns!" yelled Piccolo. Operation 40 and S.O.G. fought past the Nationale Poliza and stole one of their autobots that transformed into a meat packing truck. Yusuke Urameshi repeated the plan.

"Goku and Ichigo Kurosaki will assault the airfield! Yugi, Piccolo, you're with me!"

Yugi, Urameshi, and Piccolo set up ziplines leading to the Frieza Castro's compound and awaited the signal from Goku.

"There's the compound. Goku's men should be at the airfield. Any minute..." Urameshi observed.

"Now! There's the signal!"

The three ziplined down to the compound, taking out some of the Tropas by strangling them with their bare hands.

"Convoy ahead, do not engage," whispered Piccolo. The trio ran past the convoy undetected and reached the villa on of the plantation.

"Piccolo, take the roof. If you have any trouble give us a yell!" commanded Urameshi.

"Got it!"

"Yugi, on me!"

Yugi and Urameshi went through the villa's hallways, engaging the Tropas defending Frieza. After fighting through the dining room and hallways, they reached the bedroom of Frieza. Piccolo warned the two that Goku's men were going to begin their bombing run on the plantation within ten minutes. "Movement inside, get in position," Urameshi muttered to Yugi, sounding like he smoked ten packs a day. Yugi responded "This is it, ready to make history?" The two of them opened the door, and saw a burly figure with similar colors to the target's description taking a body pillow and using it as a shield. Yugi managed to headshot the target without harming the body pillow, who proceeded to pick up a Soviet flak gun, trying to kill Yugi and Urameshi. The two shot the body pillow, causing Urameshi to blurt out "Crazy Bitch! He uses her as a shield and she still protects him?" Yugi replied with "Frieza Castro's supporters are fanatical in their devotion to him." The two of them headed to the airfield, intending to escape. "Piccolo, what's the status on the airfield?" asked Urameshi. "The word from Goku isn't good. They got half the Tropas down there. I'm bringing these medical supplies to the Cuban rebels!" answered Piccolo. The first bombing run against the plantation started. "Let's get the fuck out of here before those planes blow us to pieces!" exclaimed Urameshi. Yugi and Urameshi made there way through the crops and were getting close to the airfield. "The rebels are getting their ass kicked! Goku's men should be here!" yelled Piccolo. The three were knocked out by tear gas. Yugi woke up and found Frieza Castro looking down at him. "You're dead, we killed you-" muttered Yugi. "No, you killed a double. You think we didn't know of your plan?" interrupted Frieza Castro. The double was actually Cooler, who looked nothing like Frieza, defeating the purpose of a double. "Do with them what you wish, Cell. He's my gift to you in honor of our new relationship. Just make sure he suffers!" Frieza told Cell. "He will know suffering from beyond his darkest fears. I have plans for you, American..." Cell said like a Chinese person speaking with a Soviet accent.

"You don't scare me, Communist piece of shit!" yelled Piccolo to the dictator Cell Zedong. The tyrant told one of his Vietcong goonies to whack Piccolo in the back of the head multiple times with a metal pipe, killing him. "No! Piccolo!" shouted Yugi, watching his friend get killed by the Commie. "You focken sunova batch!" yelled Yugi like a pissed off Australian man. "Your-A-Meshi!" exclaimed Cell Zedong, happy to see his old rival as a prisoner of war. "Fuck you!" shouted Urameshi to the dictator and leader of the Vietcong. Cell Zedong executed Urameshi with a Horse Single Action Army revolver, causing even more rage in Yugi to build up. As they were about to kill Yugi, the prison alarm was activated. Goku and Ichigo Kurosaki began to mow down the hordes of Vietcong, armed with AK rifles and MAC-10 submachine gun machine pistols. The Soldier from the Mann Co. strike team was kept prisoner here, developing an intense hatred for the Communists like he had for the Rudolph Spankher's Nazzies due to being betrayed by the Heavy and the Spy. He grabbed a Model 37 pump action shotgun and blasted away many of the Vietcong while letting out a battle cry that spooked the ones still alive. Cell Zedong ran away from the ensuring firefight, but Yami Yugi impaled the dictator with a kukri. "For Piccolo and Urameshi!" Yugi cried. The Studies and Observations Group began to raid the compound, intending to rescue the prisoners after they have eliminated Frieza Castro.

The Invasion of Fort Chao was spearheaded by General Naruto Uzumaki, Colonel Steel Snake, and Captain Rex. The three of them were in charge of the U.S. ground forces, consisting of the 501st Regiment and a Tiger I tank under the callsign "Bandicoot." The tank crew included Crash Bandicoot the commander, Spyro the gunner, and Donkey Kong the driver. An M1 Abrams tank controlled by S.T.A.R.S. and a flying fortress served as reinforcements. General Naruto Uzumaki began the invasion with his infamous war cry. "For the Alamo!" The U.S. forces fought against the Animexas private army defending the fortress and the Egg Confederation, who were also trying to invade.

Sonic and Mario have arrived at Rio de Meido to collect the money stolen from the strongbox. "It should be on this oak tree," stated Mario as he examined the tree bark. Sonic went over there and grabbed the bags of money held by the branches, checking within each bag. "Holy Chaos Emeralds, that is a lot of money! Hey Mario! Here's your share-" Sonic looked around and didn't see Mario anywhere. As he walked into the center of the city, he passed Mario. The Italian bounty hunter had been suffering from hallucinations ever since he witnessed the deaths of Mushroom Kingdom's royalty; specifically Princess Peach. The same princess he had hallucinations about at this city during his search for Turko. Mario believed that the two women from Turko's room were the princess. In reality, those were Turko's guards who believed him to be Big Haus, rival of Turko. They brought him to Turko to answer for the damage done to the Ottoman resort.

Sonic asked Mario why he was drinking so much "Power Potions," a mix of whiskey, rum, and vodka. Mario told him about how he had failed to save Princess Peach from being killed by Turko. The outlaw known as Turko was originally a member of the Royal Mushroom Guard, a private security force composed of the mushroom species Toads. Turko is one of the Toads who was payed by the ruthless Lord Bowser to turn against the Mushroom Kingdom, killing all of its leaders. Mario believes that Turko did this because of what happened years ago; a nuke was launched against his homeland of Sarasaland on the planet Shroomacher. The same planet that had the Mushroom Kingdom, who weren't able to help their ally because of the war with the Koopa Empire. This caused a burning hatred towards the Mushroom Kingdom from Turko.

"Turko will be here to look for the money. He heard about the robbery and interrogated people about it. They said the gang who were responsible for the robbery headed south, but would eventually head back to Rio de Meido because of the war."

Sonic did not want to leave his friend behind, so he went to look for some transportation that Mario could use. As he was looking, a person hit his friend in the back of the head with a revolver, knocking out Mario. When Mario woke up, he notices that the person is Turko. The brown-headed Toad began to reload his revolver and taunted Mario. "So you are the one that has my money. I guess you told my story to that hedgehog, huh?" Turko began to tell Mario more about the events leading to the deception. "I lost thirty thousand Sarasaland soldiers and the world just fucking watched!" he shouted, sounding like Shepard. "Soon, there will be no Mushroom Kingdom! They will be unable to set up on this land after I find every single last one of them, starting with you." As Turko prepared to shoot Mario, the Toad was disarmed from a shot by a rifle. "Here."

Sonic handed Mario his Horse Single Action Army "Cordon Bleu" while holding Turko at gunpoint. "Now we start."

Both Mario and Turko moved their right hand near their holsters, ready to draw out the revolvers as soon as the church bell chimes. As they waited for the chime, both remember their respective motives for doing this. Mario wanted to avenge the Mushroom Kingdom and the princess. Turko planned to eliminate the few remaining people associated with the Mushroom Kingdom; the ones he believed left Sarasaland to rot. The bell rang and Mario shot Turko, putting an end to the scheming leader of the Ottoman gang.

"You can collect the bounty on him Sonic, my work here is done. I'm sure you'll be one rich hedgehog."

Sonic looked at his friend, smiling. "You can be a rich hedgehog too."

Mario grinned back at his friend. "I don't think I'll be a hedgehog anytime soon. I placed the Chaotix lieutenants in the wagon. You just need your horse to convey it."

Sonic found the wagon that belonged to Mario being pulled by a horse. All of the Chaotix lieutenants were in there.  
-Techno Crock, Vector the Crocodile  
-Chamel Leon, Espio the Chameleon  
-Bumblebee, Charmy Bee  
-Armordillo, Mighty the Armadillo  
-Raycorn, Ray the Flying Squirrel

As Sonic claimed the bounties for all of the Chaotix lieutenants, he forgot to take out his new rival Sonic E-X-E, the bleeding bastard who ordered the gas attack on Aqua Caliente. To make matters worse, the leader of the Gatos is going to make that deal with that bitch ass, escaping with the train hostages. Shadow the Gunslinger had told Mario, who in return let Sonic know, that Blaze the Cat is the leader of Los Gatos. "I've got to stop her!" yelled Sonic, reaching the docks of Argente Bay. The U.S.S. Epstein containing many soon-to-be slaves and Blaze the Cat began to warp at thrice the speed that it would move at. "Woah, what the... did I? Did she? J.C. what happened?"

"I can't quite tell, they're jamming my radar! Wait a minute, here we go. I'm tracking four outbound targets from your location. Oh no! What the... the targets have vanished! The radar is clear. She's gone, Sonic. She's gone!" observed Jesus Christ, who relayed the information to Sonic.

"No way! That crazy bitch got away. I can't believe it, she got away! Noooooooo!" Sonic exclaimed. He might be a rich hedgehog, but in his quest for money, he had forgot to save the soon-to-be slaves of Los Gatos.

"I'm counting on you, Shadow!" yelled Sonic before finding a way to get to Vegeta Islands. Miner Steve, Big Smokey, and the One offered Sonic transport to Vegeta Islands. He gave each of the crew members two thousand U.S. dollars for their support. "I have to rescue them before they become-." A gunshot was heard coming from the boat.


	11. Oro Sónico

Chapter 26: Oro Sónico  
"Sonic, wake up..."

211211211211000211211211211000211211211211000

Interrogator: "Focus Yugi! We're out of fucking time! The world is on the fucking brink of war!"

Yami Yugi: "Whose war!? Who the fuck are you anyway!? Huh!? Ah, I just keep hearing the fucking numbers!"

Interrogator: "It's a broadcast Yugi. The numbers are a broadcast. You've been brainwashed..."

"Sonic, wake up."

Yugi's Mind: "The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog."

"The fudging Chaos Emeralds! These things are valueless! If I find the a-hole who suggested to look for these... I'll- Oh hey, would you look at that? Oh, right. You can't look since you pretend to be deaf, dumb, and blind. Sorry about that, Shoko Nishimiya. They say you will recover soon, and I would agree with them. Your condition isn't too serious except for being deaf; not sure about that since you actually are. How's your sister Yuzuru? The little shit still owes me lunch money. Don't worry, when I find Shoya Ishida and the rest of his friends, my pawns will take care of you and them. Goodbye, stupid bitch."

"Sonic, wake up, please?"

At the original Kingdom of Hoshido, a sniper team waited. This sniper team consisted of only two people; the spotter and the sniper. "Wait for the Hoshidan king to arrive. When he does, our objective is set. We take the shot and all of Hoshido will cry out for war. If they don't, we have other plans for them to do so." King Sumeragi pulled up to the meeting in his stagecoach, greeted by a Nohrian guard. "Our lord is over there, King Sumeragi. He would like to make peace between the two kingdoms. A treaty if you will."

"Sonic, wake up!"

Speedball finally woke up at the sight of Fox Eyes, the real Kentucky Kansas, and Emer Ralds. "No need to fear, Emer Ralds is here!" the pink hedgehog otherwise called Amy Rose screeched. "Hey guys, what happend?" he murmured like a murderer. "You were knocked out on some boat, but the One ended up getting shot. Miner Steve and Big Smokey tossed you into the water so you wouldn't get killed by the Inferno Cartel! You passed out on the docks..." Tails beliebed. "I knew those Caribbean pirates were behind this!" Sonic sayz. Fox Eyes went to secure the wagon so they can get out of Argente Bay. "Not so fast, slow poke-mon!" taunted the blue hedgehog.

"Huh?" Fox Eyes, also known as Tails, blurted out.

Sonic: "We have to get my money first!"

Tails: "Sonic, I think your money is all crinkle-cut like potato snacks about now. You've been in the sea for a while."

Sonic: "Dingerit! I'll never be one rich hedgehog!"

Amy Rose: "Yeah, and everyone thinks you'r a bandit now. You kind of are after that robbery at the Bank of El Paso."

Sonic: "Well... heh. Let's just check the newspaper here. I'm sure they are mistaken about me being a bandit."

Sonic read through article after article claiming he is nothing but a good for nothing outlaw. He also found out about the rocket strike at Musutafu and the surrounding kingdoms, in addition to the U.S.S. Epstein being destroyed with severe casualties. "Oh no! Seems like Shadow and I screwed up royally!" the blue blur yellered. "What the- another blue hedgehog!? Two of them!?"

At San Pepinillo, the blue hedgehog walked through the place with his mule. "Come on Bean Muncher, this way..." he whispered to the mule. The hedgehog sounded like he smoked a lot. He can be identified by the brown poncho, brown bandana, a yellow chocolate-coated banana boomerang, and a White cattleman hat. He halted to the sight of a gang war in the town. Twelve different gangs were shooting at each other, and he decided to stay put to observe. "I see some Vice Magnates, Spanish Sovereigns, Argente Bay Monarchs... Inferno Cartel, Los Gatos, Revolutionaries... Redeemers, Union Praetorians, Triumvirate... Chaotix, Desperadoes, and Florists. Perfect, all of the Big Twelve." The Big Twelve refers to the most powerful gangs of outlaws within the Old West. As the name implies, there are twelve gangs. They were going to end up killing civilians in this fight, and the hedgehog knew he had to do something. "Time to unstrap my Blue Ballers." he declared. Unleashing two Mare's Leg rifles with the iconic blue receivers, this speedster gunned down the outlaws. The Sekirei prostitutes were impressed by the skill of this stranger, applauding him. "He looks like that bandit with the Chaotix!" Miya Asama exclaimed. True enough, the hedgehog did look like Sonic, yet there was something different about this one.

"You will get rid of these targets..." a mustached man told a metallic mercenary. "Understood?" The machine accepted this hit, heading out with its array of missiles and a .50 AE revolver. Heading back to the Vegeta Islands, the mercenary found Iroh's mansion. "SCANNING AREA: TARGETS DETECTED" the screen displayed, pinpointing the location of all gang leaders. "OBJECTIVE: ELIMINATE LEADERS OF THE TWELVE GANGS," an objective that the mercenary followed. "What is that thing!?" one of the Inferno Cartel members screamed before being shot by it. A volley of missiles were unleashed against the Inferno Cartel, causing them to fall. "BREACHING DOOR."

Several bandits from the other gangs defended the entrance, firing off their lever action rifles, shotguns, and revolvers at the death machine who walked through. "Not even a single scratch landed on that shit!" a Florists member shouted. The mercenary mowed down many gangsters with their arm-mounted machine guns, leaving no survivors at the entrance. Moving upstairs to the conference room, where it will find the assigned targets, the metallic being blasted open the door. Iroh tried to reach for his magnum, but was gunned down first. This was followed up by the other gang leaders being killed. "I'll pay you $1,000 to bring down the one who sent you here. Posthumous vengeance." Iroh said under his dying breath. "POSTHUMOUS VENGEANCE ACCEPTED." Iroh died from heavy blood loss, knowing the machine would finish the job he asked. "Excellent work, Mecha Sonic! Here is your payment." the mustached man remarked before paying $50,000 to the machine. Mecha Sonic initiated the task assigned by Iroh, shooting Robotnik several times before leaving. Along the way out, Mecha Sonic found a map displaying coordinates of Egg Confederate treasure buried in Sand Hill.


End file.
